So it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. A long while. To be honest—I’m in one of “those” seasons. Yeah… the ones where you want to nod your head, shut your eyes and “I dream of Jeannie” your way out of it. But rather, with my eyes so tightly shut, nervous to peek, papa came in a while back and whispered (not so quietly), “This season is setting you up for every dream in your heart to come to pass.”
Uhhhhhh. Fine.
And I know you’ve all been there. At the mercy of a good God, who is working his butt off to give you his best, knowing that the only way forward is OVER the mountain.
Sometimes pioneering is hard. Let’s just be honest. And pioneering as a leader? Sometimes extra hard. Paving new paths at one point seemed glamorous as I pictured a hunky young Harrison Ford. But a few dozen twigs in the eyes later… I can sometimes second guess things.
Even just the emotions that come with the dodgy jungle paths!
In Congo hearing stories of our Freedom boys (child soldiers) who have indeed been rapists, to Kenya working with our sweet Bella girls who have been raped. Emotional yo-yo.
But then I exhale. And you know what? There’s an absolute beauty in these learning seasons. Or “growing season”……“Self development” anyone? Whatever language you can relate to most, this season is stretching me.
The beauty though.
First- when you are thirsty, and water is scarce, you will dig deeper and more ferociously for proper hydration than ever before. You will stay up late, wake up early, you will fast when you haven’t fasted in… a long time, and you will posture your heart, doing whatever it takes for just even a smidge more of Heaven. Then, alone in those secret places, he will always, always, always come in crazy extra amounts. And for these extra times with my sweet papa God, I wouldn’t trade a minute of this season for another one. (not that I still wouldn’t want the acceleration button pushed…
Second- you’ll do things you never would’ve have done before. It’s that desperation thing. I have no clue how to handle some situations that we’re in with our boys and girls. But instead of just casually inquiring about an answer, I’m reading everything I can get my hands on, I’m having non-stop Skype dates with anybody who’s gone before me and I will not stop until I get the answers I’m looking for. This awkward, persistent, focused passion, probably wouldn’t be there had I not been placed in this “position”.
So it’s weird, but I’m thankful. I’m learning again, the absolute beauty of my papa. Rivers flow to low places, and you can’t go wrong with going low and letting him refresh you. And what I keep seeing, is while I’m weak, this whole “I am strong” thing he mentions—TOTALLY TRUE.
While in Congo last week papa opened some… pretty fabulous doors with the army. I can’t go into details on the internet, but it was everything I’ve been dreaming for. The kind of stories I used to lie awake in bed asking God to bring about. Yup, and in my moment of exhaustion (with a cherry on top that I’d been sleeping on a cement floor with no pillow) my beautiful papi showed up in the jungles of the red zone and gave me one of my greatest hearts desires.
Cause he’s just that good.
So, sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. I am still alive and well, enjoying the simple moments of life, just with fewer words than usual.
(PS- Extra massive thanks to all my beloved friends, family and stunning mentors! I am blown away beyond words at how you always stand with me, support me and love me better than I could have EVER dreamed for.
I say this to anyone who wants to impact the world in any way—invest in relationships! Fly, bus, walk through the rain at night uphill both ways, whatever you have to do (!!) to get lasting deep covenant people to do life with. Worth it for every message I received this week alone